Time to take new steps…

This week things are going to change I hope…

We’ve got a donor, he’s confirmed and it’s looking positive. I’m petrified that it’ll drop through yet again. We’ve never got as far as how it feels right now. There’s still no donation as it were, but on Wednesday we’ll be in receipt of the first batch of goods.

And if so that’s further than we’ve ever got.

There’s certainly something to be said about counting chickens before they’ve hatched…

Hopefully tonight we’ll be able to speak to him and get him to sign on the dotted line before we go to collect on Wednesday.

At the minute it’s all about charting temperatures and how my body is reacting. My alarm goes off in the morning and with eyes still screwed shut I turn it off and reach for the thermometer on my bedside table.

It’s quite a funny ritual.

Bleep. It’s turned on.

Then I lie there half asleep and wait.

Bleep. It’s done.

Now finally open my eyes and update the one of many pregnancy apps on my iPad. (I use Glow the most…)

Fall back to sleep.

Alarm goes off again. Crap! I’m going to be late if I dont get up now!!

Apparently when you’re ovulating the temperature will rise a little and stay that way if you’re pregnant. So it may help me aviod getting ahead of myself. Here’s some info: http://www.babycenter.com/chart-basal-body-temperature-and-cervical-mucus

I’ve got an appointment with the Doctor on the 12th of November. So hopefully we will have all the ammo we need to get help if we need it.


I guess we’re relying on the fact our donor has what he needs and that I’m ticking over perfectly. Being 32 does scare me as there are so many things that could be wrong, but who knows…


I didn’t manage to get to the hospital for my second blood test so we’ll have to wait til next month for that one.


It feels ridiculous that after 3 years of trying to make a family, we’re only just getting all the ingredients.


I really dont think I can let myself dream right now. Before I’ve seen little things and I’ve bought them. This time, I’ve got nothing. Not so much as a teddy bear. It hurt so much last time when I gave it all away. Baths, clothes, baskets, changing mats… I’ll never forget leaving all that behind.


If we cant conceive now, I don’t know how I’ll feel. I’m simply not thinking about it.


What will be will be, but please keep everything crossed for us!


Things are about to get messy.

We Got Married.

I’m really enjoying this blog. It’s so lovely! 🙂

Elizabeth Merritt Abbott

On the hottest day in June we stood on a gravel path that cut through a prairie in central Iowa. We held small bouquets arranged by my mother-in-law, calla lilies and freesia. My brother combed his hair and tucked in his shirt. My mother cried. The dog behaved. My wife-to-be looked beautiful, like the best kind of summer girl in her green dress – even when she made that scrunched up cry face while saying our vows.

wedding1

Wedding2

Back at my mother’s house, just down the road, our families and friends gathered. More people than I expected Food. Games. Beer. Wine. More love than I deserve. I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day.

wedding3

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Life has a funny way of making you run in circles.

Well here we are again, we’re back to square one. Well, Square one plus VAT I guess. We have a donor.


God knows what that means for us as we’ve had donors in the past. There’s been no medical problems or other issues as we far as we know, the one issue has been reliability. Everytime, we’ve been let down by the person, not nature.

I’ve got blood tests next week and an appointment next month with the Doctor.

I dont even dare to dream at this stage. I’m holding out hope, but I think I’m just a bit broken by it all and would rather be negative than anything else.

One thing I know about me for sure now is that I’ll be damned if I’m going to give up. I’ve wanted kids for as long as I can remember, and after 3 years of being messed around, we’re not really much further ahead. I know I am biologically further along than I’d like, but I can’t turn back the clock now.

I do wonder what help, if any, we will get from the NHS. We decided after the adoption fell apart to visit the doctor to start with getting help from the NHS and to be fair, he didn’t have a clue.

We went to see the nurse last week, and although she was a lovely lady, she didn’t have a clue either…

I said was there any help or advice she could give and basically it was a no. She’s just referred us onto the Doctor.

All of the forms were very stereotypical. We watched as she had to scribble out “Male Partner” and put N/A in a lot of the sections. We took it in good faith and had a laugh about some of the questions. Obviously there’s a lot wrong with our sperm count and Alice can’t get it up. *Insert Fake Laughter here*

But joking aside, I felt a bit like it was a complete waste. I said to the nurse that we’d been looking online and really needed some help as there’s so much information you just don’t know what to believe.

I even asked about physically how we should go about it and her response was “Well there’s always the Turkey Baster method!!”

You're kidding right??

You’re kidding right??

I laughed but I think she saw that I didn’t find it all that funny.

It’s just never ending at the minute. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, but I can’t tell from here how far away it is.

Until there’s a blue line where it’s supposed to be, I haven’t got a sodding clue.