Life has a funny way of making you run in circles.

Well here we are again, we’re back to square one. Well, Square one plus VAT I guess. We have a donor.


God knows what that means for us as we’ve had donors in the past. There’s been no medical problems or other issues as we far as we know, the one issue has been reliability. Everytime, we’ve been let down by the person, not nature.

I’ve got blood tests next week and an appointment next month with the Doctor.

I dont even dare to dream at this stage. I’m holding out hope, but I think I’m just a bit broken by it all and would rather be negative than anything else.

One thing I know about me for sure now is that I’ll be damned if I’m going to give up. I’ve wanted kids for as long as I can remember, and after 3 years of being messed around, we’re not really much further ahead. I know I am biologically further along than I’d like, but I can’t turn back the clock now.

I do wonder what help, if any, we will get from the NHS. We decided after the adoption fell apart to visit the doctor to start with getting help from the NHS and to be fair, he didn’t have a clue.

We went to see the nurse last week, and although she was a lovely lady, she didn’t have a clue either…

I said was there any help or advice she could give and basically it was a no. She’s just referred us onto the Doctor.

All of the forms were very stereotypical. We watched as she had to scribble out “Male Partner” and put N/A in a lot of the sections. We took it in good faith and had a laugh about some of the questions. Obviously there’s a lot wrong with our sperm count and Alice can’t get it up. *Insert Fake Laughter here*

But joking aside, I felt a bit like it was a complete waste. I said to the nurse that we’d been looking online and really needed some help as there’s so much information you just don’t know what to believe.

I even asked about physically how we should go about it and her response was “Well there’s always the Turkey Baster method!!”

You're kidding right??

You’re kidding right??

I laughed but I think she saw that I didn’t find it all that funny.

It’s just never ending at the minute. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, but I can’t tell from here how far away it is.

Until there’s a blue line where it’s supposed to be, I haven’t got a sodding clue.

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There’s no title that can express this feeling, or even explain it

The worst sentence I’ve seen in black and white for a long long time.
I can’t even type how I’m feeling.
The excitement from everything at the beginning…
The first thoughts on adoption, the first meeting, the conversation with the adoption officer, the fact it would only take about 6 months…
How perfect we seemed to the adoption officers at the meeting.
Seeing and hearing the success stories.
I guess no one wants to talk about the supposed 7 out of 8 applicants in the UK who get refused at the first enquiry.
(I know it’s the Daily Mail, but still… Here’s the link)
No criminal record, no substance abuse… Still no good for the thousands of children desperate for a home.
Right now, it hurts to the point that I can’t even bear this blog.

Stumbling blocks…

We had a phone call from the adoption agency. It wasn’t great news, but it wasn’t bad news either I guess.

I’ll have to explain, we’re a bit different to other couples and things are a bit more difficult.

A few years ago, April 2010 to be precise, we had to collect some blood test results for Alice. Alice’s family has a troubled past with genetics and in particular, the BRCA2 gene. Recently the BRCA1 gene has been in the papers courtesy of Angelina Jolie and the preventative surgery she opted for.

Well, to cut a long story short, Alice has the BRCA2 gene. If you’re so inclined, you can read the wikipedia entry about it here. She’s going to have the surgery at some point in the future, but we’re not sure when they’ll be able to do it and understandably, the adoption people need to know when too.

I can understand that.

Love Makes a Family

Love Makes a Family

Also they want us to prove we’re not smoking so we’ve got to go to the doctors and get reports done. Fair enough.

Also our nice new house is well, basically too new… We need to have been in there for longer. Which is something that worries me in any case as our landlady is a bit flighty… We’ve got a tenancy review in December so I’m hoping we’ll be able to extend the tenancy for a while longer. Also we’re going to put ourselves on the council list so that if we can, we’ll be able to get something more stable.

They also want to speak to any significant previous partners. Which is not good news for me, needless to say the person I was with before Alice could hold quite the grudge. Hopefully they’ll take a statement from a mutual friend instead.

Little hands

Little hands

Oh and then there’s me having been a bit crazy in my early twenties. Nothing major, I was just a bit messed up and suffered from thinking the whole world was out to get me, when in reality it really isn’t. I think I had a hard time coming out and not living up to what I thought my parents expected of me. In reality they wanted me to be happy, it just took me a while to figure that out and basically stop being a brat.

It’s added an extra 5 months to the whole process which initially knocked me for six. I’m gutted as we were so excited thinking that we would have a new addition to the family within the space of a year, and now that has been extended again.

We’re so desperate to have a family and share our lives with another little one (or two) that it feels like its slipping away from us again. It’s not and it’ll all be worth it, but we started to let ourselves believe things were really happening and happening quickly too.

I broke down on the phone to the woman, which was awful. She explained that it isn’t a no, it isn’t even necessarily an issue, but there are things that we need to get in order before they can consider us.

So we’ve got some work to do now…

Bring it on, we can do it.

We Can Do It!

We Can Do It!

Mad day…

Ok, so we’ve gone for it now…

We went to the introduction meeting.

It was more like a meet and greet with a bit of a question and answer set up.

I’m not going to lie, I was very nervous. Alice was too. She went into babble and fiddle mode!

We had downloaded all the information available and had filled our form out. There was no need to do it before the presentation evening but we were fairly sure this was what we wanted!

Just incase you’re reading this and wonder what it’s like to attend one of these, I’ll try and explain it in the next post properly…

We were attending the “event” shall we say, at the beautiful stadium of light in Sunderland. Now, as a Sunderland supporter, this was already awesome, but anyhoo…

I’d been at work all day, strange day where nothing goes right kinda day… It’s totally irrelevant, but I want to set the scene before the next post!

Woke up at 6.22am precisely. This sounds good and prepared but no. At 6.22 I’d expect to be alone in bed as Alice should be just about to arrive at work. Needless to say sleeping beauty was still lying there next to me! I quickly woke her up and had to rush her into the city to get to work in time. Then after talking about it in the car, we decided it would be best if she kept the house key so she could get home easily after work. One key is currently with her Mum so she can get in to let he woofs out.

All fine and dandy until I realised that I didn’t have a key to get back in after dropping her off. Thankfully Andy was still home and I was able to steal the key back to get in… Then an hour later after sorting myself out for work, I left and headed to the park and ride to take me into Durham.

I arrived with plenty of time and got on the bus with my colleague. Chatting away and I realised I’d left my phone in its holder on the dashboard, basically as an open invitation to smash and grab… The car park is pretty good and they have good security, but even so I knew it would be playing on my mind. I decided to stay on the bus and wait for it to turn around in the city centre and head back up to where I was parked.

Time to kill, what do you do? Social media of course! Out comes the iPad and I’m merrily scrolling away, when I look up from the page I noticed we aren’t heading back to the park and ride I’m parked at, but the one the other side of Durham… No choice but to sit and wait until it had done the full loop before it started heading back to the car.

Arrived in a fluster to the office to more things going wrong of course…

Basically today was no looking right at all!

Then I was due to meet a friend to check the car out after work and he was a no show.

I had planned to quickly change at his garage too so I could be a bit more presentable after the heat all day in the office, but no luck there either and time was running short for me to get across Sunderland to the stadium.

Traffic was bareable and it helped that I spent most of it behind this one bus heading to Shields that had a huge adoption advert on the back of it… Then the radio seemed to know what songs to play as well. I’d hastily done my makeup in the car mirror and I was close to losing it as emotions were definitely running high!

I arrived and found some ladies who worked for the events team at the stadium. All I wanted to know was if it was ok to park where I had and they were convinced there was no event on… Cue further confusion!

Thankfully it all got sorted and I quickly shuffled around in the back seat of the car and changed. Classy stuff I must say. Thankfully the windows are slightly tinted in the boot so my modesty was preserved. I hope…

What a daft series of events on a hot day in July.

But, out of chaos comes the calm… 🙂

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Plodding on…

So we've made further steps onwards. We spoke to my Mum and Dad and told them we were going through the adoption process.

I don't know why I was nervous, but I was!

We talk a lot over FaceTime as they're over in Switzerland working during the summer. They never got the hang of retirement, so this helps keep them busy and earn some extra cash. Anyhoo, we were chatting and they asked us if there was anything new to report, to which I replied, “yeah, we've kinda taken a leap in a new direction.” My Dad, who never misses a trick said, “adoption?”

I guess it's written all over us!!

They're really supportive and we are very lucky. Al's Mum Rach, and step dad Andy are awesome too.

Mums decided already she's going to be a “Nana”. I like that as her mum was my nana, and I know she will be wonderful. Dad will no doubt end up being pops as that's what we call him already and I can see it sticking! Rach is “Nan” or “Nanny” and Andy, well I guess we will see. I think I can see him as a Grandpa… As for Alice's dad, god knows. All that matters on that side is that Al's half sister Holly will be an Aunty, and she's super excited! 13, going on 30 that kid though…

The big question I guess is what do we get called??

I've never thought of it really as I've always just seen myself as “Mum”. Alice has said she will be mummy, but I'm thinking she will end up as Mama!

It's nice to know we will still get time off for statutory adoption leave, which will no doubt be Alice and I'll take paternity. Which sounds weird to say the least… I wish I could have more time, but I'll be able to use some holidays too so it'll be good to be around for a while full time.

The next step is entering into Stage one…

More to follow soon!!

Taking baby steps…

Sam here! Actually it may as well be said now, Alice won’t be the one posting. Like, ever. It’s not really her thing!
 
So then, we’re moving on to the next adoption agency… I’m not in a rush as such, but I just think that if they can’t even consider speaking to us until November, how long is it really going to take??
 
There’s a meeting next week that I’m hoping we can attend. They’re not running another one until September so it looks like we may be lucky…The printer is now working overtime printing off all sorts of information.I’ve been looking at loads of websites and there are some heart breaking cases on the Internet of kids waiting for homes. There a lot of brothers, sisters and what look like entire families that need forever families.I know we would take siblings, I have to say selfishly though that I’d like adopt them from an early age. I don’t want to miss out on some of the big moments.

We will see I guess!

I can’t put into words how much I hope this all comes together.