Optimism versus Realism

So it looks like month 3 hasn’t produced anything positive either. I’m trying to keep strong and continue along the road to happiness, but quite frankly there a lot of things that are coming up against us as time ticks by.

We’ve looked into our options with the house. Turns out instead of being able to extend our contract, the landlord wants to sell up. She wants to offer us first refusal, but it’s not really much help to me when I can’t get a mortgage. It’s just a bit of a sick joke really. A mortgage would be cheaper and would help us out greatly in the long run, but when your wife has a high genetic risk of cancer, then there aren’t many mortgage companies out there who will even look twice at you.

I don’t know what we are doing wrong with our donor. I know people who are trying for a baby spend months, maybe years trying to conceive and it seems early to be worrying. But when we’re not even contemplating going down the Natural Insemination route and we will only conceive by Artificial Insemination at home, then we’ve got to try and make things work for us. To be fair, I think we are going to have to get our donor checked for sperm count soon just so we don’t end up flogging a dead horse as they say.

So anyways, it’s not 100% that I’m not pregnant yet, but it’s certainly looking like it’s a negative. 2 tries down… I’m just hoping it’s all a step closer.

I’d love to stay optimistic at this point, but I’m finding it so difficult. 2014 has finally arrived and it’s the year I’ve been dreading for so long. I don’t know why it felt much better that Alice’s operation was next year as opposed to this year. It was only a day that made the difference.

I’m just so tired and it’s only the 3rd of January.

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