Optimism versus Realism

So it looks like month 3 hasn’t produced anything positive either. I’m trying to keep strong and continue along the road to happiness, but quite frankly there a lot of things that are coming up against us as time ticks by.

We’ve looked into our options with the house. Turns out instead of being able to extend our contract, the landlord wants to sell up. She wants to offer us first refusal, but it’s not really much help to me when I can’t get a mortgage. It’s just a bit of a sick joke really. A mortgage would be cheaper and would help us out greatly in the long run, but when your wife has a high genetic risk of cancer, then there aren’t many mortgage companies out there who will even look twice at you.

I don’t know what we are doing wrong with our donor. I know people who are trying for a baby spend months, maybe years trying to conceive and it seems early to be worrying. But when we’re not even contemplating going down the Natural Insemination route and we will only conceive by Artificial Insemination at home, then we’ve got to try and make things work for us. To be fair, I think we are going to have to get our donor checked for sperm count soon just so we don’t end up flogging a dead horse as they say.

So anyways, it’s not 100% that I’m not pregnant yet, but it’s certainly looking like it’s a negative. 2 tries down… I’m just hoping it’s all a step closer.

I’d love to stay optimistic at this point, but I’m finding it so difficult. 2014 has finally arrived and it’s the year I’ve been dreading for so long. I don’t know why it felt much better that Alice’s operation was next year as opposed to this year. It was only a day that made the difference.

I’m just so tired and it’s only the 3rd of January.

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One small pot for man, one giant leap for lesbiankind.

So we got our first deliveries.

It was definitely bizarre, but I’ll get to that in a minute…

So yeah, month one got under way so it’s and exciting time right now.

I’m taking my vitamins, no alcohol, not smoking now for several months.

Now if you know me, then you know that the two non-living entities that mean the most to me are a good whiskey and a cigarette, so life has already changed!!

Ok, so here’s how it happened…

We’ve known our donor for several years and we were surprised that we were able to iron out the finer details and progress under our terms of business shall we say.

Our donor had to listen to us basically break him down, and break his heart a little too I think, but being the good guy that he is, he agreed.

He said “of course I’ll still do it, I can see what it means to you both and I get to be the one that makes you both so happy.”

It was a revelation.

Right then…

The stars began to align and the moon was in the 93rd sector of Pluto or whatever crap, and basically it was time to try it out.

Me and the Mrs had made the agreement that she would speak to our donor during the day and confirm details etc etc.

Our plan was to turn up equipped with the suitable conduit, supply donor with said conduit, receive the goods and then drive the short journey home to complete the deed.

All very peculiar.

We arrived and watched our donor grab a few bits and pieces, switch off lights and head downstairs to meet us.

Oops.

Failed at the first hurdle.

Thankfully our donor had just moved so we were quickly able to divert him back inside the house for a tour of the new digs.

Once inside we mentioned that we thought it would be much easier and less uncomfortable for him to provide us with a sample to takeaway…

So very very awkward…

He was fine with it and was happy to oblige. So we gave him the pot and then it got really weird.

Now, normally we are all pretty comfortable around each other, but what had just dawned on us was the fact this poor lad was faced with two women and a pot. And they were making demands that even the strongest of characters would feel moderately pressured by!

To make it worse we were going to be in the next room. Waiting…

I have to say that given the fact we know each other well and have seen and done some mad things together, this was unprecedented weird.

Sitcom weird.

Anyways the deed was shortly done and off we jetted in the car and raced back home with the missus nursing the delivery, in the pot, in her bra.

God knows what would’ve happened if we were stopped by the police.

Anyhoo, night number two…

This time things were a lot less awkward and quite humourous. Although we had one minor issue.

Traffic.

Now this is worse than driving when you need the loo and can’t find one. You’ve literally got something in the car that’s at risk of becoming completely useless and yet the simple fact you have it means so much.

We rushed into the house and did what we could in the time we had. Romance wasn’t exactly at its best…

Humour however was as I’d left my boots on! Now the reason this is particularly funny is because of the donor’s love of dr martins. There I was afterwards, legs in the air, hoping that gravity would help us out and up against the wall was such a funny sight.

Firstly, the donor is known for his docs.

And secondly, all that was missing from our lesbian baby making attempt was a pair of dungarees on the floor and Tegan and Sara playing in the background!! Sometimes the stereotypes just find us…

Anyhoo, we have since then found out that the first attempt wasn’t successful. But I’m quickly learning that this whole process needs, humour as well as heartache.